Snakes and Pills

082 - been done

Men and women filed into the conference room and took seats around the large oval desk that filled most of the room. They were all dressed in dark green military uniforms, and they all carried various name tags, badges, and other emblems on their chests. After sitting down, they maintained the quiet, serious demeanor that they had brought with them as they came into the room. Nobody said a word.

A few more moments passed before another man walked into the room, and as he did so, the lights darkened significantly and a projector began illuminating a screen placed at the front of the room. This man, who had more stars and other medals on his uniform than all the others, remained standing, and, with his face lit up brightly thanks to the projector's bulbs, he addressed the seated congregation.

"Ladies and gentlemen, welcome. Today, we begin Operation FeelGood, previously known as Operation Make Everybody Feel Better About Stuff, or OMEFBAS. But, before we set out in the field, I would like to recap the parameters of this operation. Especially for those of us here today who are new, but even for those of you who have been with this operation since the beginning, it will serve as a good reminder of how and why we are undertaking this project, so please pay attention."

The faces in the room remained serious as the speaker pressed a button on a remote control and a slide advanced in the projector. It showed various images of sad people. People crying in anguish. A lonely person standing on a beach, looking wistful. A family seated on the stoop of a dilapidated house, mother and father with heads in their hands.

"As you all know, national morale is at an all-time low. People simply aren't feeling good about stuff." He clicked the projector to the next slide, which had various charts detailing falling happiness levels and rising levels in depression. "In short, everybody is just really bummed out."

"To counteract this, the President has approved Operation FeelGood, to help restore the populace's sense of joy." As the general said this, the operation's logo slid onto the screen--a giant happy face superimposed over the American flag.

"Now, what we have to do for OFG to be successful is to shoot lots of sad people. This should not be too hard, as there are sad people nearly everywhere in this country. We will begin dispatching battalions this afternoon. They will employ quick dispatch techniques, and through 'shock and awe' tactics, we expect major operations to be concluded by some time next week."

Most of the faces remained unchanged, but a few of them--the newcomers--seemed shocked. One was even moved to speak. "Excuse me, sir," he said, raising his hand. "Yes?" the general asked, seemingly not bothered by the man's interruption.

"What exactly will shooting all of the sad people accomplish? That seems a bit, well, forgive me, but mad."

The general simply chuckled. "Son, you should have been here the first time OMEFBAS was proposed. The amount of rancor it caused was astounding. But it's quite simple," he said.

"People love having their pictures taken, that is simply a fact," he shuffled forward a few slides in his presentation, showing people posing and smiling for a photographer. "Especially if we approach random sad people and just butter them up, saying something like, 'oh wow, you look so cool, can I take a picture with you?' or whatever. They're gonna feel a lot better about their day and about themselves."

"So that's why we decided to shoot pictures of sad people as part of OFG. Everyone's gonna feel special, like a little bit of a famous movie star. Are there any other questions?" Silence filled the room. "Okay. I believe by now, the cameras are ready to be deployed, so let Operation FeelGood commence!" The lights came back up in the room.


first back home randomnext latest

get social: