Snakes and Pills

156 - domino

Ah, silence. Franz grabbed the newspaper off the kitchen table and tiptoed to the bathroom. Once inside, he slid the door shut. The latch signaled his success with the gentlest of clicks. His body had begun percolating as soon as he sensed his opportunity for solitude. Though he had felt entirely comfortable just five minutes ago, he now moved with a slight sense of urgency.

His nimble fingers undid his belt from its buckle, and he dropped his trousers to the floor. Composing himself, he carefully balanced as his knees bent to bring his posterior into perfect contact with the porcelain throne. With grace, he settled into the proper position and alignment.

Franz then grabbed at the newspaper and unfolded it. Though he was completely ready, he wouldn't allow his body to proceed with its business until he had found something worthwhile to read. He liked to keep his mind occupied during the act. He had already started reading the day's paper during breakfast, though. Franz had read most of the interesting stories in the first few sections already. He tossed them aside.

International, Business, The Arts. He rarely found anything of interest in these sections, but that was what his selection was reduced to. There was occasionally the odd gem he could find in the rough, so he started thumbing through the International pages. His eyes skimmed over stories about the stability of the Euro and a no-man's land in Afghanistan.

His body now called out to him, begging for him to just pick something and read it. But then, Franz felt something. The sensation was nearly imperceptible at first. A slight tickling on his backside, which he attributed to his body getting ready for the impending activity. He tried to focus back on the newspaper, but after a moment, he felt it again.

He felt a poke on his left cheek. Then another, on the right. And harder this time. Franz put a halt to the previously-scheduled plans in order to investigate this odd sensation. He felt the poking again, even stronger now, and zeroing in on the bull's eye.

Franz jumped off the bowl and peered down into it. Jutting out from the toilet's drain was a large forearm and a hand with its index finger outstretched.

Here was the source of his discomfort, but he felt even more vexed. The arm looked quite real, though Franz could not fathom how it appeared within the toilet. The finger, hand, and arm all remained immobile, and he considered that this was all just a prop in a supremely bizarre prank.

As much as touching anything from within the toilet disgusted him, Franz had to know what was going on here. He grabbed at the hand in an attempt to pull it out of the bowl. However, as soon as he made contact with the hand, it came to life. If this were artificial, it was extremely detailed and realistic.

The arm resisted his pulling. Neither side in this bathroom tug of war could gain a clear advantage at first, but Franz had leverage. He used both of his arms now, and pulled with all of his strength.

He noticed his toilet beginning to shake and buckle. Though he had the upper hand, it felt like there was more on the other side of the drainpipe, and there was no way for him to extricate it without dislodging his toilet. Was solving this mystery worth the plumber's fees?

Franz relented, and released the arm from his grasp. In an instant, it slithered down the drain and disappeared entirely. The toilet's water was calm now.

He decided he would relieve himself at work.


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